(Note:  In 95% of all battering relationships, the batterer is male and the victim is female.  We will refer to them in that way.)

 Dating violence is a crime and an increasing problem facing today's teens.  Any female teenager can be battered, whether she is black, white, rich, poor, tall or short. 

Dating violence is any action that gains and maintains control over another person.  It may include shoving, hitting, threatening, choking, demanding sexual actions, or using a weapon. 

Dating violence does not happen just because a boyfriend or date is angry, or because of alcohol or drug use.  It happens because of the need to control another person.  Once it begins, it almost always continues – even if he says it won't happen again.  Most abuse increases in frequency and intensity with time.  It doesn't just go away.

How can you tell if a boyfriend or date may become violent?  You can't ever be sure, but these are some red flags.  Be especially cautious if more than one is true.

• Did he grow up in a home in which his parents were violent or in which he was abused?

• Does he act tough, get into fights, or into legal trouble?  Does he have a bad temper, especially about little problems like not finding the car keys?

• Is he cruel to animals?

• Does he lack respect for women and have strong ideas about what men should do and what women should do?

• Is he overly possessive of you and your time, wanting to know how you spend every minute?

• Does he drink too much or use drugs?

• Is he fascinated with weapons, especially guns and knives?

• Is he moody?

• Are you afraid of him and have you changed in order to keep him satisfied?

If your boyfriend or date abuses you while you're dating, he will abuse you later.  Dating violence is a crime.  Don't live with it.  Get help by calling:  the Women's Commission at 704-336-3210 or the Shelter for Battered Women 704-332-2513.